Author Topic: To make you laugh...  (Read 20577 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Itchigo

  • Victory is mine!!
  • Administrator
  • Pinball Wizard
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,260
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +6/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #15 on: January 11, 2014, 07:56:15 PM »
It's likely that I'm the only one who'll get this, but anyway, for anime fans...
Tremble in fear! Behold my Bankai!


Offline Druadic

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 168
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +3/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2014, 07:30:34 PM »
I got this as an e-mail.

Windows vs. Ford
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and  affection  for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read  on.
At a recent computer  expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with  the auto industry and stated,

 

"If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer  industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the  gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release  stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft,  we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car  would crash.........twice a day.

2.. Every time they  repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new  car.

3... Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no  reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the  windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you  could continue. For some reason you would simply accept  this.

4.... Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left  turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which  case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5..... Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the  sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but  would run on only five percent of the roads.

6...... The oil,  water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by  a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning  light.

7....... The airbag system would  ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8........ Occasionally, for no  reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in  until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and  grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9......... Every time a new car was introduced car buyers  would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the  controls would operate in the same manner as the old  car.

10.......... You'd have to press the "Start" button to  turn the engine off.

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails,  you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and be  instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car  yourself!!

WOW! That's Ford for ya for sure! I own a Ford Ranger and it's their best. They are becoming VERY rare to find used too. I'll NEVER give up my Ranger!!!!

SHAZAM! Ford bites Microsoft's rear end!!!!  :Cool:

Offline Itchigo

  • Victory is mine!!
  • Administrator
  • Pinball Wizard
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,260
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +6/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #17 on: January 20, 2014, 07:43:45 PM »
Here's what I drive. 1995 Ford Escort. :Smile:
Tremble in fear! Behold my Bankai!


Offline Pintrepid

  • Silverball Maniac
  • Administrator
  • Sr. Wizard
  • *****
  • Posts: 273
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +3/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #18 on: January 21, 2014, 12:45:22 AM »
Heh! Niyce licence bracket!  :Green:
-PeterMac


Offline faralos

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 235
  • Karma: +1/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #19 on: January 22, 2014, 09:11:26 AM »
wrong on so many levels but hilarious just the same!
definitely the stuff where nightmares come from
Ron Jeremy on a Wrecking Ball
I am never wrong Once I thought I was
 but I was merely mistaken

Offline Druadic

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 168
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +3/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #20 on: January 22, 2014, 10:03:40 AM »
wrong on so many levels but hilarious just the same!
definitely the stuff where nightmares come from
Ron Jeremy on a Wrecking Ball


After seeing this, I'll NEVER sleep right again. YIKES!  :Censored:

Offline Itchigo

  • Victory is mine!!
  • Administrator
  • Pinball Wizard
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,260
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +6/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #21 on: January 22, 2014, 06:26:24 PM »
Good thing I'm getting drunk tonight, so I won't remember it.... :Downapint: :pizza:
Tremble in fear! Behold my Bankai!


Offline GSGregg

  • Donator
  • Global Moderator
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 152
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +8/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #22 on: January 22, 2014, 07:08:58 PM »
I got drunk last night---it didn't help. :Downapint:

Offline Itchigo

  • Victory is mine!!
  • Administrator
  • Pinball Wizard
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,260
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +6/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #23 on: February 07, 2014, 07:52:31 PM »
Just came across this on Google!! No idea who did it.

LMFAO!!
Tremble in fear! Behold my Bankai!


Offline GSGregg

  • Donator
  • Global Moderator
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 152
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +8/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #24 on: February 07, 2014, 09:14:30 PM »
Anyone like trapeze acts? (Laughter shall come forth momentarily)

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=717211468307619&set=vb.234538950336&type=2&theater

Offline Itchigo

  • Victory is mine!!
  • Administrator
  • Pinball Wizard
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,260
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +6/-0
Tremble in fear! Behold my Bankai!


Offline GSGregg

  • Donator
  • Global Moderator
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 152
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +8/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2014, 11:33:35 PM »
....."and you read it first---even prematurely---right here in the XXX-posure Journal!"

(I know.....pretty weak.whaddya want on such short notice?!)

Offline Itchigo

  • Victory is mine!!
  • Administrator
  • Pinball Wizard
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,260
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +6/-0
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
« Reply #27 on: February 12, 2014, 05:07:45 PM »

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

SARAH PALIN:  The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs.  No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs.  Period.

JOHN McCAIN:  My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:  What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.  We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.  The chicken is either with us or against us.  There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY:  Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!  It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions.  I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road.  What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly.  So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty!  You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going.  I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.  No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road?  Did he cross it with a toad?  Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL:  Because the chicken was gay!  Can't you people see the plain truth?  That's why they call it the 'other side.'  Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay.  If you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.  I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.'  That chicken should not be crossing the road.  It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:  In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn't that interesting?  In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:  I have just released eChicken2013, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.  Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2013.  This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one?
Tremble in fear! Behold my Bankai!


Offline GSGregg

  • Donator
  • Global Moderator
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 152
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +8/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #28 on: February 13, 2014, 07:43:49 AM »
He crossed the road to hurry home and catch the first episode of Survivor: Texas Style.

(Google it if you dare; a lot of Can't-Take-a-Joke types have been commenting, but I think it's hilarious and both of my parents' families hailed from Texas.)

Offline Druadic

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 168
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +3/-0
Re: To make you laugh...
« Reply #29 on: February 27, 2014, 09:38:50 PM »
Just came across this on Google!! No idea who did it.

LMFAO!!

What the hell???? LOL!